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kurgs:

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails

naturallywholocked:

if a girl asks you for a tampon, I dont care how much you hate that bitch if you have one you hand it over no one deserves that level of hell

gnarly:

do you ever just get too lazy to put on pants

stevenfresco:

i only go on the internet like once a day for approx 24 hours

ruinedchildhood:

Mom: Home in 5 minutes, hope you’ve taken the chicken out of the freezer

Me: image

livelovehep:

sunalwaysshining:

meladoodle:

what if guys came coffee… i’ll have one ejaculatte please

I just spit out my coffee

You’re supposed to swallow it

joanne-the-fallen-angel-of-pizza:

shadows-of-a-fallen-angel:

corporalcrazy:

okay but imagine having a house right on the timezone boundary

"bedtime is 11!"
"KITCHEN 11 OR LIVING ROOM 11??"

"mom we’re gonna be late!"
"nah, it’s at bathroom 5 not bedroom 5"

"man I only got like 2 hours of sleep!"
"well I got 3, I rolled over the boundary in my sleep"

The best (and worst) part would be trying to figure out what time to watch tv

you broke my brain